Abuse Prevention Education

At the Y, we ask our parents and guardians to be our partners in child abuse prevention. This Parent Education Guide seeks to equip you to be informed about child abuse and to protect your child from abuse.

About Child Abuse

Child abuse and neglect can endanger or impair a child’s physical or emotional health or development. We have the power to stop it and understanding the issue is the first step.

Types of Abuse

As defined by the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services, the following are types of abuse:

Child Neglect: Harm or threatened harm to a child’s health or welfare by a parent, legal guardian, or any other person responsible for the child’s health or welfare that occurs through either of the following:

• Negligent treatment, including the failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter, or medical care.
• Placing a child at an unreasonable risk to the child’s health or welfare by failure of the parent, legal guardian, or other person responsible for the child’s health or welfare to intervene to eliminate that risk when that person is able to do so and has, or should have, knowledge of the risk.

Child Abuse: Harm or threatened harm to a child’s health or welfare that occurs through non-accidental physical or mental injury, sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, or maltreatment, by a parent, a legal guardian, or any other person responsible for the child’s health or welfare or by a teacher, a teacher’s aide, or a member of the clergy.

Parents have a fundamental right to raise their children, and the YMCA and the community presume that parents will act in their children’s best interests. When parents do not protect their children from harm and put them at risk of abuse or neglect, the YMCA and the community have a right and a responsibility to intervene to protect the health and welfare of children.

Abuse Warning Signs

Physical injuries and severe neglect are more readily detectable than the subtle, less visible injuries which result from emotional and sexual abuse and bullying. Most child abuse and neglect is not a one-time event, but more often occurs in a pattern over time. Abused children are often subject to more than one form of abuse.

Signs common to all forms of abuse:

• Fear of parents, other adults or others peers; fear of going to a certain place
• Withdrawal, depression, anxiety, phobias, sleep disorders/problems
• Emotional and behavior extremes, including acting out or aggression toward peers, pets other animals
• Immaturity or delays in development
• Poor peer relationships
• Poor self-image and self-care, lack of confidence
• Sudden absenteeism, decline in school performance
• Self-destructive behavior or attitudes, including suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, running away, recklessness
• Unexplainable/unidentifiable illnesses

The YMCA strives to protect our children from all forms of abuse. The YMCA of Metropolitan Detroit and the YMCA of the USA with its partner organization, Praesidium, have worked to increase awareness of ways to recognize and prevent child sexual abuse.

How Sexual Offenders Behave

In addition to the warning signs our children may exhibit, sexual offenders have common characteristics. An offender may groom a child for abuse by pushing physical, emotional and behavioral boundaries. An offender may also groom persons in the community, working to build friendships and trust with a child and his/her parents. The warnings signs are:

• Excessive touching with physical contact games, back-rubs, tickling or wrestling, even when a child resists.
• Inappropriate conversation, like talking about a child’s developing body, discussion of specific sexual acts or explicit sexual language, or even spending excessive time e-mailing, texting or calling children.
• Showing favoritism to a certain child with gifts/money, performing special favors to the child and/or family or doing things for the child that the parents may not be able to do, or taking a child to activities or on special outings.
• Sexualized behavior, including engaging in sexually harassing behavior online or in person.
• Pattern of rule breaking/thinking the rules do not apply to them like exposing kids to inappropriate activities (e.g. drugs) and allowing children to break parent rules (e.g. smoking, staying up late).

It is challenging to think of children and adolescents we know as capable of sexually abusing others. Children, particularly young children, may engage in inappropriate interactions without understanding the hurtful impact it has on others.

It is particularly important for parents and guardians to recognize the warning signs of any of the forms of abuse because children find it difficult or scary to tell an adult in words.

Why Children Do Not Tell

• Are not aware it is abuse
• Afraid no one will believe them
• Afraid that this news will hurt parents
• Are protecting the offender that they care about
• Hopes if they are “good enough”, the abuse will stop
• Afraid to tell because of the offender’s threat
• Are confused by the offender’s suggestions that they enjoyed the abuse and wanted it to happen (for Sexual Abuse)

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Protecting Your Child

Parents as Y Partners

At the Y, we ask parents to be partners in child abuse prevention by:

• Reading this guide so you are equipped to recognize and address abuse
• Stopping by our programs to observe and talk with staff
• Talking to your child about his or her experiences in the YMCA programs (as well as school, sports and other activities)
• Trusting your instincts. Don’t wait to tell us if something seems “strange”. Speak up.

Open Communication

Open communication with your child on serious topics, like abuse, in an environment that encourages your child to share his or her views or concerns often means your child will be more likely to come to you for help and be equipped to respond appropriately to attempted abuse. Really listen. Here are talking points:

• Boundaries Review rules about boundaries, both in the privacy of your home and outside the home, and how to know when someone is violating them. Instruct your child that they do have the right to say “NO”, even to a family member or friend; your child can choose who he or she wants to hug or kiss.
• Intuition Instruct your child to listen to their intuition. If it does not feel right, it probably isn’t!
• Secrets Explain the difference between Safe Secrets (will the surprise at the end make someone happy, secrets that bring good to you and others) versus Unsafe Secrets (secrets that make you feel bad or they hurt you or someone else). Instruct your child that, if someone tells you to keep a secret from you, you want to know.
• How to Stop Abuse Before It Happens Teach your child various phrases to tell the offender to stop, like:
  • I’m not supposed to do that;
  • That’s against my family rules;
  • I can’t; My parents would be mad at me.
• Teach them to walk away.
• A Personal Safety phrase that may help your child understand and remember actions your child needs to take is: My body belongs to me. If someone makes me feel uncomfortable, scared or hurt, or touches my private areas, I will yell “STOP” and GO TELL an adult who listens.  I have a right to be safe.  I deserve respect.
• Trusted Adults If abuse were to occur, instruct your child who a trusted person to tell is; family, a Y staff member, friends, teachers, coaches. Help your child to understand that you want them to come to you if someone makes them feel bad or sad, and that you will believe and help them and that they will not get in trouble.

Internet Safety

Children and adolescents are naturally curious about sex. Adolescents questioning their sexuality are even more at risk, as they may go online with the intent of finding support and companionship. By acting as guides, predators can exploit this curiosity or vulnerability and gradually lure children into sexual activity. 1 in 5 kids who go online regularly will be sexually solicited. To prevent abuse via the internet:

• Set limits before allowing your child to go online anywhere.
• Keep computers in a high traffic area of your home.
• View your child’s browsing history by pushing CTRL+SHIFT+H to see history or look for the History tab to Show All History.
• Set parental and safe search controls on all electronics.
• Review cell phone records for unknown numbers and late night calls/ texts.
• Become knowledgeable of which social networks, apps, instant messaging, e-mail, gaming, blogging and webcams your child is using and who your child communicates with via these portals.

Understanding Bullying

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Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional, is repeated over time, and involves an imbalance of power or strength.  Bullying can take on various forms, including:   

• Physical bullying: when one person engages in physical force against another person, such as by hitting, punching, pushing, kicking, pinching, or restraining another.
• Verbal bullying: when someone uses their words to hurt another, such as by belittling or calling another hurtful names.
• Nonverbal or relational bullying: when one person manipulates a relationship or desired relationship to harm another person.  This includes social exclusion, friendship manipulation, or gossip. This type of bullying also includes intimidating another person by using gestures.
• Cyberbullying: the intentional and overt act of aggression toward another person by way of any technological tool, such as email, instant messages, text messages, digital pictures or images, or website postings (including blogs). Cyberbullying can involve:
  • Sending mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images;
  • Posting sensitive, private information about another person;
  • Pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad;
  • Intentionally excluding someone from an online group.
• Hazing:  an activity expected of someone joining or participating in a group that humiliates, degrades, abuses, or endangers that person regardless of that person’s willingness to participate.
• Sexualized bullying: when bullying involves behaviors that are sexual in nature.  Examples of sexualized bullying behaviors include sexting, bullying that involves exposures of private body parts, and verbal bullying involving sexualized language or innuendos.

What to Do if You Suspect Abuse or A Child Makes a Disclosure

If your child discloses that someone hurt, scared, or made him or her feel uncomfortable, stay calm and listen. Your reaction has a powerful influence on your child!  Do not react with anger and disbelief, as they may feel shame or guilt and shut down. Instead, believe your child and make sure your child knows you believe them, thank your child for telling you and praise their courage for speaking up.

All reports of suspicious or inappropriate behavior with children or allegations of abuse at the Y will be taken seriously. The Y will fully cooperate with authorities if allegations of abuse are made and investigated. Any staff or volunteer is expected to cooperate to the fullest extent possible in any external investigation by outside authorities or internal investigation conducted by the Y or persons given investigative authority by the Y.

If you have any questions or concerns about Y staff or volunteers, or another program participant, you can:

• Report concerns to Y staff
• Call the YMCA Safety Line (313) 309-1098
  (This is a voicemail. Please leave a message and The Y will get back to you.)
• Email RiskManagement@ymcadetroit.org
• Utilize the anonymous reporting tool

Community Resources

The YMCA and YMCA of the USA partner with many local and national organizations that provide excellent training on child abuse prevention to communities. 

• Darkness to Light is a non-profit committed to empowering adults to prevent child sexual abuse. Darkness to Light offers in-depth learning, tools, and practical guidelines to help adults prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse in their Stewards of Children® training. Details about the full training are at www.D2L.org/Stewards.
• Michigan Child Protection Services (CPS) (855) 444-3911
  • For reports of immediate danger, call local law enforcement at 911
• Sex Offender Registry
• netsmartz.org
• noslang.com
• fivedaysofaction.org
• Praesidium, a trusted resource in Child Abuse Prevention, created this site to help share research and free resources with parents and caregivers learn more at https://www.preventabuse.com/